What
was I writing about…Ah that’s right, shyness.
It’s
such a debilitating thing to suffer from. Inside yourself you really do want
to participate, but on the outside you’re frozen, and with what? Fear… fear of
failing, fear of whet others might think, and worst of all fear of being made a fool of. That#s something I still dislike intensely. I even dislike movies where characters are made to look foolish. I
wonder where that came from.
And
wanting to fit in. I’ll show yo how bad it was. I mentioned before that I went
to Wellington Girls College. My mum sewed really well and made my vee necked summer
tunic, it was worn over a white short
sleeved blouse.Somehow I noticed that the vee on mine was a bit deeper than the
bought uniforms my class mates wore. My solution to that was to wear my vee necked cardigan buttoned up. Even in
the summer. Looking back it seems a bit pathetic really.
Something must have clicked later in the year though. Topping off our uniform was a pillbox hat with hat band of a gold and black stripes just like our ties.Towards
the end of my last term someone pinched my hat band and I refused point blank
to buy another. Strange that I swung between being bolshy to begin shy. Depending
I think on the circumstances.
Did grow out of it, probably, did it impact on my
life, mot definitely. But I suppose I wouldn't be who I am without those early
challenges. Of course challenges continue, that's part of life, now though I’m
more than willing to step out of my comfort zone. OK so my face might get a bit red and my heart will beat faster, but hey you know what at eh end of it I’m still breathing,and
very likely feeling better and better about myself.
I know what you mean about handmade uniforms, i remember feeling the same about my summer tunic at high school too. Gee, must be in the genes.....you remember making it for me?
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